The Garden State

I had to watch this movie twice in its rental life time so that I could take notes the second time around. I do that will all good media-take notes and wish I had to write a paper for some professor, somewhere, in some intellectual discussion time warp I like to call my fantasy world. My notes are written over the top of one another as a result of my watching and writing simultaneously and the dark of the room. I can still feel that movie in the Soundtrack. I can still feel it, and of course I can feel it to begin with because it struck some sort of human chord in me. And that particular chord this time was one of personal relationship to both of the main characters. And you look at me now, scrunch up your face and say, 'Ya, but hon, they were caricatures of what might be normal people but for some large psychological issues that makes them really messed up and detached with the world.' Thank you, most movies are like that, but in stupid ways-especially in comedies don't-get-me-started-on-what-I-think-about-that-medium. I feel like that, man. I feel like I come from a place that far away. That I am seemingly normal but I will be found out with some sort of combination of those two characters, diluted, to be certain, but there are moments I feel as out of it or as hyper active as either one of them in a completely 200 proof-except instead of acting it out, I hope no one notices my eyes jumping.

Movie Quotes: "There's nothing wrong with you." "I'm starting to figure that out myself."
"Everyone has their drug of choice."
"I'm not sure what to say here, Dad, so I'm sorry." When I was starting to figure that out about myself, I never knew what to say to the blank faces, that wanted quick fixes, who fancied themselves privilege to understanding or helping rather than just being, who knew how it felt and why I did things. "He likes to think it makes me happy."
"Our bodies can do some strange things when subject to stress and anxiety."

This isn't an explanatory blog for you. I could never go into the details of these quotes in relationship to myself or a group of people I could apply them to. Not the purpose. It is, rather, like so many other times I write, to get it out of me. I have to get these thoughts out of me, so that I might move on from it.

"Ya, those drugs may be able to help you as a means to an end. But sooner or later whatever is in you will find a way out. Are you all right?" "Ya, ya."
"I'm weird, man. Okay? If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be here."

This whole movie of how everyone is normal and totally messed up in their way and own degree of normal. His messed up, medicated world-going in and out of it, up an down in it-his reactions to crowds, even to people he knows-knew once or halfway knows. His withdrawal at the party, even on x, the feeling his character portrays without words, the cadence of his speech, the withdrawal into self for such a long time followed by slow, re-entry to the world. She has the crazy hyper ticks-stuff she says and does then regrets that makes her nuts or eccentric. Apologize for letting it out or being silent like he is. He lets out tiny pieces of himself, and it is about letting himself out even when speaking about others or not speaking, his truth and the little things he gives no one else sees, he is also simultaneously able to receive the great gifts other people have to offer. They're not weird to him but appreciated in their messed up way/own degree of normal. "I'll take a hug." And he lingers in it.

"What do you do? You laugh, you know? I'm not saying I don't cry." Someone asks and then you can answer, shocking people into the depth that exists besides the assumed quiet and straightforward responses.

"You're in it, right now. . . When you're working stuff out in your head." And I was in it, in all of it, I was thinking, that is me. That is me.